Are we too busy to have horses?
For the past few weeks Matthew and I have been WERKING our buns off to get ready for our SIXTH season of dairying. In true Rachael fashion I have approximately one billion, three hundred and twenty five thousand projects going at the same time.
You see, when I’m stressed, I work. Forward progress of any kind soothes my anxiety and gives me a sense of control in my life. I have, as Matthew diagnosed it, Task Driven Hyper-Activity Disorder. This, of course, is not a real thing, but it describes me perfectly. Plus, Matthew and I want to make 2022 the biggest year yet for our dairy. We will be milking more goats than ever (and we’re particularly excited about this year’s batch of newcomers), we have employees, and we have some pretty lofty cheese goals. We are growing and, in order to do it the way we want to, our to-do list just keeps getting longer and longer.
Also, we have kids, who are becoming more and more their own people and are an absolute hoot to hang out with. This Winter we took up card playing which has led to hours and hours of playing cards in front of the fire. No longer are we doing the thing where we work around the clock while continually juggling kiddos back and forth—We now have sacred family time that the farm cannot touch. Which is awesome, but also means our work day is a lot shorter than it was a few a years ago.
All this is just to say, we’ve been busy.
But then one day Matthew asked me a question that knocked me off my axis and started me spinning in an entirely different direction.
“Are we too busy to have horses?”
I swear my heart stopped when he said it, especially because it wasn’t without merit. Our horses hadn’t been worked in a few weeks and had taken to standing at their gate staring longingly at the world beyond their walls. Our brave little mountain ponies were bored and it was all our fault.
And that’s when I realized just how wrong I had been about managing my life.
You see, I waited my ENTIRE life to have a horse. Every year, ever since I discovered what a horse was, it was the only thing on my Christmas and Birthday list. And then, as an adult, it took me awhile to finally make the leap (with a big push from Matthew) and “buy the damn horse.” And now, here I am. LIVING MY DREAM. I finally own my own horse.
And I’m too busy to ride him.
What am I even doing with my life? This! This is the reality I’ve carved out for myself?
How dare I.
I had made myself believe that if I finished the items on our to-do list I would feel less stressed, and then I would have time to focus on my horse. Let me shorten that sentence.
I had made myself believe that if I finished the items on our to-do list I would feel less stressed.
lololololololol
The farm is a NEVER-ENDING to do list. Something always needs to be fixed, fortified, built, moved, or altered…the work of a farm is a hilarious grab bag of semi-urgent tasks. Like shark teeth, when you remove one from the list another immediately pops into it’s place.
Relying on an unachievable milestone to alleviate my stress is a fool’s errand, which I realized yesterday when I went and rode my horse. I had forgotten that horses are my stress relief. The second I opened that gate and put a halter around my horse, I felt it melt away. Absolutely nothing had been done on my to-do list, but I felt more calm and more focused than I had in weeks.
Matthew, of course, being the fake guru that he’ll never actually be, said it best:
“The farm is an endless pit of projects. Think of it as a black hole, the more you look towards it the more you get sucked in.”
Do you know what happens when you fall into a black hole? You literally pull apart into a billion gajillion subatomic particles and flush down the drain of infinity. Yes, like you’re being flushed down the toilet.
I don’t know about you but I, for one, don’t want to live my life like someone being flushed down a toilet.
Life is short my friends—don’t forget to ride your horse.
Me and Blue, our Herd Boss, and absolutely the most patient teacher on the planet. This photo is from when Duluth Trading Company came to the farm last March to shoot our little family and dairy for their catalog. I have been farming in Duluth clothes for over 10 years now and can’t say enough good things about them.